(The Kentucky State Capitol / Photo Courtesy of Capitol.KY.gov)

As we approach the end of another year and the beginning of another Legislative Session of our members of the Kentucky General Assembly, one of the topics that you are going to hear about — probably ad nauseam — is the current controversy over “gray machines.”

For the unknowing, “Gray Machines” — as they are now called — are pretty simple devices.

Correction.

They are very simple devices.

Very. Simple. Devices.

They are crude; elementary; bare bones; no frills; and, most of all, unregulated and untested slot machines.

They are money-eating; mind-numbing; carpal tunnel-causing; rudimentary robots; and, most of all, unregulated and untested slot machines that simply sit and somehow entice people to drop their coins into the machine’s mouths with little to no hope of ever recovering.

And, despite the best efforts of the manufacturers to brighten them up with a dash of Kentucky blue or some royalty splash of purple tint on the outside? They are all simply “gray” on the inside.

Gray. Just like a dreary, sun-less, cloudy day. Just like an old-fashioned, black & white television, if anyone is old enough — like me — to remember those things. Just like a cardboard box left on the side of the road. Just like a trash can lid, dented and dinged from days of service — hiding the garbage from both predator and public.

They just exist.

Gray. Just like a possum you see crossing the road. Or, in the case of West Kentucky, an armadillo — which is nothing more than a possum on a half shell — crossing the road. Just like a slug crawling its’ way out of the leaves and up the stone wall of the basement exterior.

They are just there.

Thus the name.

“Gray Machines.”

What a beautiful term of art that every living and non-living thing that exists on Earth aspires to be known for and as.

“Gray.”

“Machines.”

Ugh.

Seems as if some public relations hot shot would have developed a slogan; a little better image; a nice logo; a little better moniker; and a little better jingle to portray these “gray things” in a little better light, right? Something, anything would have been better than “Gray Machines,” right?

Guess there was no time for frills and thrills.

Just time to roll out and roll on.

But, over the past couple of years, these rudimentary; desk-top; money-devouring; and, most of all, unregulated and untested slot machine “games” have popped up in gas stations; convenience stores; some private, fraternal clubs; and, even in some cases, they are located in the back of pizza parlors were kids, out of the sight of public and parents, can play.

(Editor’s Note: I witnessed these “things” at a pizza pub in Owensboro last year. The place was barely big enough to place an order and go to the bathroom. But in the back room, just outside the bathroom doors, was a 2×4 wooden stand with a couple of machines. Guess if you have to go, you might as well go down swinging.)

But, over the past couple of years, these “machines” have been rented, sold, and and given out in record numbers all over the Commonwealth of Kentucky. Some may say, you can’t swing a gray possum without hitting a “Gray Machine.”

But, over the past couple of years, these “machines” have spread like well-watered kudzu on an East Kentucky mountain side. They are nearly everywhere.

The owners — the vast majority of which are owned, operated, serviced and collected-upon by out-of-state companies — have set up shop in nearly every crook and crannie from Pikeville to Paducah.

They entice the store owner with a pittance of a return in exchange for location, location, location.

They have recruited some local and statewide law enforcement agencies with minuscule donations to their coffers.

And, they have had the audacity to now ask for permission and approval inside the walls of the State Capitol.

At a recent meeting of the Interim Committee of Licensing and Occupations, a paid representative made a pitch for legislation that would actually permit these devices.

Frank Fina Sr., of Georgia-based Pace-O-Matic, testified that his company has a unique business model and operates legally. He explained several components of legislation he and others are pursuing.

“Last session, we received many questions regarding our business and the legal skill game industry,” he said. “This session, we’re working with Senator Howell and other legislators to introduce and hopefully pass legislation that will further define, regulate and tax the legal skill game industry here in Kentucky.”

Legal skill game industry?

If you play one of these devices, one must wonder how anyone can define these as part of any “Legal skill game industry.” What skill does one need to possess? The ability to reach up and touch a screen?

And, can anyone tell me where in the Kentucky Revised Statutes does that definition or provision exist today? Legal skill game industry?

Let’s be very honest here folks.

There is no gray area when it comes to these “gray machines.”

It is black and white.

In my opinion…and the opinion of many learned legal scholars across the Commonwealth…

They are illegal.

They are against the law.

They are predatory.

They are unregulated.

They are untested.

They are untaxed.

And, they are taking money out of Kentucky by the handfuls each and every day. Away from local business owners. Away for local communities. Away from the legal and regulated gaming industries of Kentucky. From from the Kentucky Lottery Corporation and the scholarships they provide to our young people. Away from Charitable Gaming, which helps so many needed organizations all over the state. Away from one of Kentucky’s biggest, most important and critical Signature industries of the horse. Away. Just away.

If they were not illegal, the proponents would not be here and poised to seek legislation to make them legal. There would be no need. Why would you ask permission to do something you can already do? Does that make any sense? Well, about as much sense as playing one of these things may be.

If they are legal, where — exactly — does the law specifically address and legalize this activity? Can you quote an existing statute? How about a regulation? Is there a city ordinance? Any where?

I guess this falls into the realm of the life theory that it is much better to ask forgiveness than permission?

It is just exactly like Sen. Damon Thayer — the Majority Floor Leader of the Kentucky State Senate — stated in a recent Committee hearing where the proponents of these illegal machines asked for and got an audience to plead their case for permissive legislation.

“You talked about having a unique business model. Yeah, it’s unique. It’s illegal. You talked about being disruptive. Yeah, it’s disruptive,” Thayer said.

Here are the facts.

While some have argued that “gray machines” are no different than the Historical Horseracing Machine venues that are permitted and operated by Kentucky’s licensed race tracks, they are not telling the truth.

First of all, HHR was ruled legal in the Commonwealth by an act of the sitting Governor at the time and the Kentucky Horse Racing Commission set up guidelines, rules and regulations on how the games were to be permitted; who could operate; and how they would be tested and approved. No one just put them in and simply operated without permission.

Secondly, those games were challenged in Kentucky courts and several times permitted to continue to operate by sitting Judges until further legal arguments made it all the way to the highest court in the Commonwealth.

Third, when the Kentucky Supreme Court ruled that Historic Horseracing Machines were illegal and did not meet the stiff definition of pari-mutuel wagering, it opined that it was up to the General Assembly to fix the problem.

And…

Fourth, that is exactly what the General Assembly did. It passed legislation clearly authorizing and defining who, where and how HHR can be conducted in the confines of Kentucky.

On the other hand…

No Governor, no Regulatory Body, no Judge and no legislation has ever been passed for “gray machines.”

Zero. None. Nada.

While some have argued that “gray machines” are no different than the Lottery, Charitable Gaming or other forms of permitted gaming in Kentucky, they are not telling the truth.

Currently…

All electronic games that are permitted in this Commonwealth must be tested by a certified and reputable laboratory, who has the expertise and license to do so, prior to being allowed in any venue for operation. These international labs perform these independent and certified tests for the benefit of their employer in the Commonwealth, and in the case of HHR, the Kentucky Horse Racing Commission.

Some electronic games are randomly selected and tested again throughout the course of a year, to ensure that they are in strict compliance with rules and regulations set forth by the oversight agency of record.

The payout schedules are recorded and reported to the oversight agency, just like pari-mutuel wagering on live and simulcast horse racing.

All devices are isolated in approved “gaming areas,” where there is strict security and oversight to ensure that underage persons do not have access or availability.

Kentucky facilities who have the privilege to operate legal games must be licensed and subject to annual license reviews. Any licensee could lose or have that permission revoked if they are found to be operating illegally or without proper approvals.

And, there is a tax collected and remitted to the Commonwealth of Kentucky’s Department of Revenue, too.

Currently…

Well, the “gray machines” have none of that oversight and regulation.

Zero. None. Nada.

Because?

They are illegal.

And, that begs a bigger question, altogether.

If Kentucky is going to allow or permit “gray machines” to exist within the boundaries of our state without fear of any punitive or enforcement action, then why don’t we just go ahead and set up sports betting venues throughout the Commonwealth, too?

Might as well.

Peel off a tiny portion for the local operator.

Make a feel-good donation to a local law enforcement agency.

Set up shop and let it rip.

No oversight. No regulation. No restricted access.

Yes to the wild, wild West.

Sound like a solid business model?

One could argue — and, in my opinion rather convincingly — that a sports bet is a whole lot more of a “game of skill” than pulling a trigger on an outdated piece of machinery.

We can call them “gray bookies.” Most of the ones I know have been called a whole lot worse, after all.

Clever name, right.

I came up with that on my own.