Time to Clean Out the Ole' Muck Pit: Is Chad Brown Really John Cryer?

Every so often, we will be addressing a few things: comments, decisions, people, whatever that – for one reason or another – should be tossed into the literary “muck pit.”

It is in the spirit of cleanliness, recycling, and protecting the environment that we offer this service of “addressing the muck” – free of charge. After all, someone has to do it, right?

And, it didn’t take long for us to find a few pounds of, well, manure. Here is our FIFTH EDITION:

Chad Brown or John Cryer? John Cryer or Chad Brown? Have You Ever Seen The Two Together?

Ok, let’s get something straight. I don’t have anything against horse trainer extraordinaire Chad Brown. I’ve never met the guy. But how can you not like him? He has a million dollar smile; a quick wit; has never met a microphone he did’t like; and has the golden touch with a Thoroughbred like we haven’t seen since Paul Revere rode through New England on a steed that neither the English or history could catch.

The guy has bounced onto the racing scene with a flair for the dramatic; for a fashion sense and wardrobe right out of New York’s Fashion Week; for the ability to get owners to send him their best horses; for a way to get horses into the winner’s circle; and for a manly way to wear ruse and eyelash enhancer like no horse trainer since Jack Van Berg and Gate Dancer were making the rounds.

How do you not like a guy like that, Todd Pletcher?

But there is one burning question that truly needs to be answered. Is this guy named Chad Brown really Chad Brown. Or is he, really, the actor John Cryer? You know the guy. The lovable loser who crashed on his brother, Charlie, in the long-running TV sit com “Two and a Half Men.”

I mean take a look at the two of them.

Here’s a picture of Chad Brown:

Now, here’s a picture of John Cryer:

Or did I get those juxtaposed?

I can’t even remember who is who now.

But, seriously, has anybody ever seen these two men together? If not, I think there is a damn good chance that they are both the same person. Seriously.

Maybe it is because Chad Brown doesn’t truly want anyone to know that he is a great actor; can make people laugh; has a great sense of timing and ad lib; but he is always in the shadows of his older brother; let’s call him, just for the sake of argument, “Charlie.”

Maybe it is because John Cryer does not truly want anyone to know that he is also a great horse trainer; that instead of being on the studio lot in sunny California, he is instead on the backstage, er, backside of a racetrack in New York; but he is always in the shadow of his New York brother; let’s call him, just for the sake of argument, “Rod Fletcher.” (Ok, it rhymes with a real horse trainer.)

Maybe it is because no one has ever called them out.

Well, for one, I think it is high time that the world of show biz and horse biz knows the truth. I think there needs to be an investigation immediately into this skullduggery. It’s time to quit acting, Chad. Or is it John? It is time to step up and let the world know who you really are. After all, no horse trainer is as good as you are making the game seem, John. I mean, Chad.

I mean how are we to know. Here you are one day, John:

And, then we look around, and we see you Chad:

I mean what in the world is going on here? Which trophy do you really love? Which one is your real passion? You can’t have it both ways any more “Chon.” You can’t have your Oscar and your Breeders’ Cup trophy, too, “Jad.”

It is time to man up. After all, boys, Big Brother (hint, hint…it’s Sheen-Pletcher) is getting damn tired of sharing the stage with whomever the hell you are. New York, New York — the city so nice they named it twice — is his kind of town. Not yours. Triple Crown, Triple Crown, Triple Crown — the races so nice they named them thrice — is his kind of races. Not yours. Breeders’ Cup? Come on, now. That is a made-for-TV movie created for the Todd Squad. Not you.

It was a good act while it lasted Chad, er, John. But be warned. We are on to you now. This show — like “Two and a Half Men” — is over.

If there is anyone who is going to stand up to Tall Todd it will be Steve Asmussen. After all, that hair, right? How do you not like that hair?